Heart made of glass, my mind of stone.I often get accused of being savage. My friends say it lovingly because they know that yes I may be very blunt and a little to honest at times but they know I'm the first one there to cry with them or hold their hand. I can try to blame it on my profession but I'm sure there are a few deeper wounds that contribute further. This is a glimpse of what my day looks like. Coffee, blood, tears and a little bit of swallowed rage, which yes, does go down easier with more coffee! A day in my life on paper is pretty simple. I get up, I work 9-10 hours, I come home, eat and go to bed. Off paper, it can get pretty intense and chaotic. 5:45 am: It all starts when my first alarm goes off, it’s not necessarily when I actually get out of bed, but, I try to haul out by 6:30. I've been know to hit snooze every 9 minutes for an hour before. Now, I am not to be confused with a morning person, I'm not. I’m grumpy, I’m irritable and I do not like people to talk to me until at least 8. I just like time to myself so it doesn't feel like all I do is work. Coffee is a very vital part of my day, it's always the first thing I get when I get up. I generally can’t function without it, although, I have been trying a few alternatives here and there. Trying, but I still have 2-3 a day. 6:40 am: Once brewed, I head back upstairs to make my bed, always needing to dig Bandit out first. Sometimes I just make the bed around him. He's a lump, also not a morning person. I try to do a quick tidy before heading to the living room, this is when Bandit will move, when he realizes I'm leaving him. He'll then sadly stare at me until I pick him up so he can snuggle on the couch while I meditate and read my tarot. I'll meditate for about ten minutes, but I'll only pull my tarot on Mondays. You know, get a feel for the week ahead. 7:00 am: Once caffeinated and meditated, I’ll do yoga. My job requires a lot of heavy lifting, kneeling and awkward positions holding animals. Sometimes your muscles will cramp from holding something intensely for an extended period of time. I mean, have you tried taking blood from the back leg of a cat, or had to sit on the floor restraining something while fluids are drained? Just awkward and uncomfortable for you and the pet. Here's when I like to sit around and watch my favourite vloggers on YouTube for a while because I know once I get to work I won’t stop until I leave. I usually just have oatmeal at this point for breakfast. I prefer it with peanut butter and bananas. 7:30 am: I take Bandit out, he's a straight to business kinda guy so we sometimes play a bit if he’s awake enough. Honestly, he’d sleep all morning if I let him, ah, the joys of a senior pet. This is when I'll actually start getting ready, it doesn’t take long. I'll wash my face and brush my teeth before getting dressed, wearing scrubs means it takes me two minutes. I keep my makeup very limited as working with animals doesn’t mix well, so it’s basically just concealer around my eyes, mascara and a little blush to make me look alive again. This also only takes me like two minutes. 8:30 am: I'll try to leave before 8:30 but heading into the colder months now I may need to rethink that. My commute can be anywhere from 20-25 minutes, so I'll try to be productive and listen to podcasts or audio books but since I’m being honest, I’ve mostly just been listening to Post Malone or Twenty One Pilots’ new album Trench. Time for work. 8:50 am: I start at 9, which means I start at 8:50 so I’m there before appointments. Mondays and Fridays we have morning and afternoon appointments while the rest of the week we have surgery in the mornings. My job is very fluid since I work in a very small clinic. There are only three of us and one is still training, I’m in charge of training her. My main duty is front desk meaning I deal with all incoming and outgoing calls, appointments and emergencies. I discuss homecare for surgeries and explain medications with clients, I take care of orders and shipments, check stock and inventory. I also make sure the Dr has everything she needs and is aware of what her day looks like. Again, on paper sounds simple, and it is, it just can be very testing. The main thing they don’t tell you about the animal industry is how hard you have to be or the insane memory and attention to detail you need. Organization is key, so is swallowing your tears and pretending everything is fine. Insert the meme of the dog sitting in his burning kitchen. If you work within the veterinary field you probably get the classic “Oh you must love working with animals!” Yes, I do. I also strongly dislike people. Or your family thinks you just pet dogs and cats all day. Not really. The clinic cat is my best work friend and I love her with my entire being and sometimes sit with her in my sweater...but I don’t really have time to interact much with the animals and when I do it’s because an extra hand is needed, or I’m creepily petting a sedated animal while discussing another client with the Dr. The point being It’s a busy, stressful, sometimes emotional, crazy profession. Also, gross, beautiful and very messy. I’m talking ALL bodily fluids. Blood, anal glands, urine, pus from an infected uterus, whatever it is that comes out of a dead animals mouth while you’re carrying it (I know what it is and I hope you never have to), stool that has been building inside a constipated cat for God only knows how long because people with multiple cats never really know who’s going and who isn’t and you truly haven’t lived until you get hit with anal glands from across the room. This profession can also be very sad, after all, it is still a medical hospital dealing with living beings. Decisions can mean life or death for certain cases. It brings a lot of difficult conversations and situations and as cold as it may sound you need to develop a certain level of detachment in order to survive. Every person who calls believes that their pet’s case is an emergency, some are, but most aren’t. As a pet owner, you understand the worry and concern clients feel but you also know better. Unfortunately, some cases are booked in the next available spot, whether that is one later that day or later that week, and clients can become agitated, to put it politely, that you’re making their pet wait. You may feel guilty but you have to remember if they’re truly concerned they can go to the emergency clinic or they could have even called four days ago when it started. Unfortunately, there are only so many hours in a day and only so much one Dr. and four people can do. All you can do is calmly assure them that if the Dr. felt it needed to be seen right away then she would find a way to see them. They need to trust the Dr’s judgment and so do you. Now that doesn’t mean things still don’t haunt you. This job can also become very heavy. A dog comes in for a routine exam and leaves with a cancer diagnosis or doesn’t leave at all. To be extreme, but you get the point. There are times when you close the door to one exam room and you have to close your eyes and take a deep breath to compose your anger or tears so that you can walk into the next with the client who has a new puppy or the next phone call which is an old lady sobbing because her dog collapsed. You need to remain composed and alert at all times. There are days when you just get into your car and cry or days when you don’t realize how hard something hit you until you start bawling watching some random video on Facebook. There are also certain pets that stick to you, that will always make you cry. I remember my first death, not to be confused with my first euthanasia which had the song Don’t You Forget About Me by Simple Minds playing in the background. No joke. But my first death was a cat. He was morbidly obese and came in because he hadn’t been eating. I had fallen for his fat cheeks the moment I saw him. I was in the back alone and had just been about to do his hourly TPR. I had my hand on his side and was adjusting my stethoscope when he took a deep breath and exhaled, his head just slowly fell to the side and I’d never felt such fear in my entire life. I tried desperately to find his heartbeat but I knew what had happened. He died, I felt that final breath leave him and I remember sitting in my car later that day and just sobbing about it. That happened two years ago and it’s not even the worst thing I’ve seen, but it’s one of my most vivid memories. The second pet I’ll never forget was an emergency cesarean. It was one of the worst days, but it was also one of the best days of my life and made me believe wholeheartedly that I was in the right profession. There were ten puppies, nine lived. It’s a terrible feeling when your warming a puppy and clearing their airway and trying to stimulate them and they just won’t breathe. It’s gut-wrenching, but it happens. It’s also an amazing feeling when they do breathe, and they make their little squeaks and grumbles. This last pet I never got to know. He came in last month actually and in theory, it wasn’t that bad of a situation, really a quite common one, it just hit me too close to home. This couple brought in their dog to be cremated, he had died at home and it was a pug the same age as Bandit. To make it worse when the man handed me the body, the pug’s little head leaned against me and it let out this sad breath from the pressure of our hands. I’ve never had my voice crack so much with a client. I couldn’t even look them in the eye because I was trying so hard not to cry. Death is a very real part of the job and it happens almost daily and it never gets easier to deal with. At my old clinic, I played the role of veterinary assistant and I did a lot, everything from injections, monitoring the pet’s under anesthetic, assisting with minor procedures like enemas or inserting catheters, I mean I even groomed sedated and non-sedated cats. I did everything and anything that was needed. At my new clinic, my main duties are the front desk and administrative assistant. It’s a long day and a lot of responsibility and I do my best to keep everything moving smoothly. But then an owner calls with a rottweiler who’s been attacked by the rescue their fostering and an hour later your scrubbing blood off literally every surface in the clinic while the Dr sews his ear back on. There’s really no set routine for my day, guides maybe, but it’s really a be ready for anything kinda job and I actually am in love with it. 6:30-7:00 pm: When I finally do get home, I cuddle the hell out of Bandit. We watch something, have dinner and try to be in bed by 9:30-10. Weekends we rage of course, and by rage I mean we go for a hike or to some store that lets you bring your dog in and then I clean the house while he watches. You know, cool things. Just a day in the life of a girl and her pug. -N
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Drive in essentialsIn conjunction with Bandit's post here are my drive in essentials! Find it here! Drive In Essentials 1. Snacks + Drinks Buying popcorn or food from the concession can get expensive quick so try bringing something from home. I like to snack on dried fruit and chocolate covered pretzels! You could even bring some popcorn from home. Pack a little cooler bag with some water or soft drinks with some ice packs to keep them cold. 2. Wet naps or Hand sanitizer Luckily I keep both in my car. You don't want to be wiping your dirty hands all over your pants or blankets. 3. Pillows + Blankets You want to be cozy. Depending on what time of the year it can get quite cool at night so make sure your prepared. 4 Mosquito Repellent The drive in we go to is in a large field surrounded by bush and forest so bugs are a given. Mosquito bites suck and you don't want to end up covered in them. 5. Comfy Clothes Again you want to be cozy! 6. Booster Cables Trust me I’ve been there. Most Drive Ins have booster cables inside for you to use but it's best to be bring your own and not leave it to chance. 7. Camp Chairs If you don't have a truck or an SUV you might consider bringing some camp chairs so you can sit outside. Remember you'll be there for over 4 hours, depending on the lengths of the movies you see, so you want to make sure you're comfortable! 8. HAVE FUN!! Don't forget to check out Bandit's post and read all about our puppy date and what his dog friendly drive in essentials are! Not to mention all the cute photos of him being adorable. Find it here! - N Create.A good friend of mine recently confided that she was giving up on her dream. Her creative love. This hurt to hear as she is incredibly talented and leaves you in awe when she shares. She said it was too expensive and that she was starting to think it wasn't worth going after. She believed she would never be famous or ever be good enough to receive a profit from it. Her face filled with sadness and defeat as she told me. Her heart crushed. I didn’t accept this conclusion. I told her I didn’t agree. We don’t create because we want to be the best or because we want to be rich and famous. We create because it’s what we love to do! Because it makes our souls happy. Who cares if you have one fan or twenty million. It doesn’t matter. We live for ourselves period. I told her a story from the book Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert about a forty year old woman who had reached a moment where she couldn't remember the last time she was truly happy. After thinking on it and playing through her years she found that it was when she was in her youth and was figure skating. So, she started again. Not with the intention of going to the Olympics but with the intention of doing what she loved. To be happy and find peace again. We hold ourselves back because we think we’re not good enough or we think someone will laugh at us and an endless amount of other reasons. I say again. WHO CARES. Do what you love and do it for yourselves. As for the book... I can't recommend it enough. It left me feeling excited about what I could do. Excited to try again. It made me realize all the ways I hold myself back because of my own assumptions of how it will end or how it will be received. I'm a work in progress and Elizabeth Gilbert felt like that always supportive friend telling you to go for it. To be better and at least try. To which the nerd in me responds wholeheartedly with "Do. Or do not. There is no try." But it's the same thing. Just do it and feel better, rather than dwelling on the shoulds, coulds, and what ifs. My great grandmother used to say... "Take all those what ifs and bury them in the back yard. You don't need them." So get your shovels. I might need a field though. - N shop this postLet it snowHow do you classify a snowy day? Does it register with you as an inconvenience or a gift? Growing up I was an only child. What that means is I have no siblings and lived alone with my mother and step-father. It does not mean I was lonely as I’ve been asked many times before both as a joke or as a serious inquiry into my personal psyche. At least no more lonely than you. A snowy day as a child meant a group snowball fight on the way home. Maybe an angry mother when you told her you lost your glasses somewhere between the school and your house. A twenty minute walk. It also meant a family effort to shovel the driveway and playing with the dogs until you couldn’t feel your finger or toes. Or whipping down the local toboggan hill on your awe inspiring GT racer. A snowy day as an adult means something different. Maybe there’s still a snowball fight, being a single adult, it’s not likely for me. Shoveling the driveway becomes a chore you do alone and sometimes leaves you aggravated as you watch your neighbour snow blow his driveway in minutes while your standing there with snot dripping from your red nose as you adjust your toque. It also means driving. UGH. Blessedly I have upgraded to a vehicle with four wheel drive but with my old truck I was lucky if I made it off my street. The frustration! GAWD. Then sitting there yelling and eventually crying as you give up and struggle your way back into the driveway and make the ‘I’m not coming to work because SNOW!’ phone call. Being an adult doesn’t always have to mean things are worse though. We don’t always have to end up frustrated with our responsibilities. A snowy day to me is a lot of things. Yes sometimes I do bitch face my neighbour hard for his cursed snow blower. Although, there are some days when I actually like shoveling. Yea you heard me. I often count it as the only work out I need for the next few days because my driveway is massive and at least I have a driveway to shovel in the first place. Being an adult does come with a hell of a lot more responsibilities than we were lead to believe, however, it also grants us the maturity and clarity to look at things from different perspectives and see them in a lighter way. As a child everything was life or death. Go big or go home. As an adult there are so many more shades to choose from. You can still choose to be angry at everything one day and then be as calm and blessed as the Dalai Lama the next. Maybe even shine that light at that neighbour and wave to him, say ‘Good Morning’. Life is what you choose it to be. Yes that is much simpler said than done. It’s a struggle, but if you’re struggling then you’re halfway there. It means you’re no longer just giving in and instead, are trying to be conscious of yourself and the way you think. Every day that struggle will get a little less. Life has a way of leaving you more than bruised and broken but you can decide how deep those bruises go. I’ll leave you with this. Next time you find yourself on a snowy day, look up. Look up. *Insert Meryl Streep shouting at the SAG Awards* Feel the stillness and the quiet a fresh snow brings. See how softly it floats down in little wisps. Feel the way it melts on your warm skin and be grateful you’re alive. Take that little dog out and watch him leap and bound through the calm of that storm like a little tornado leaving chunks of snow flying in his wake. Be as happy as he is to be alive. Be as happy in that snow as 8 year old you was and let Meryl cheer you on while you do it! Love - N Things that make me happyHappiness seems to be the golden ticket everyone is searching for these days. We look to social media, to our favourite personalities to stalk to see what they do, what they like. Maybe that's what I'll do? Maybe I'll try that? Given that happiness is brought on by different feelings, different activities for everyone why do we all flock to the YouTube video with the highest views or the highest resolution for answers. Being a millennial I get the allure. I get that we live our lives through our phones. I'm guilty of it too. But maybe for our own sanity and our OWN happiness we should put the phone down and take an actual real life look at ourselves. Who are we? What makes us unique? What makes us happy? This doesn't have to be some substantial life altering question. Just what brings a smile to your lips or what quiets your mind and makes you forget to check how many likes you got on that picture of your dog sleeping. These are the thing that do it for me. And yea! Maybe watching my dog sleep is one of those things. He's just stinking cute! 1. Taking my dog for a walk. Maybe it's a hike or maybe it's just some quick little walk around the block because it's too cold out but someone *cough Bandit * refuses to wear his booties. Just spending that time outdoors and breathing in that fresh air is enough. Being in nature makes me feel at peace and reminds me that there's so much more than what a little screen can show me. Not to mention the smile my little guy gets when he's trudging along, ripping through a field or peeing on every little shrub or low hanging branch. Mind you he has terrible aim and never hits that low hanging branch. Maybe it's partially the happiness he gets that I get a secondary high from. So... GO OUTSIDE. Even if you don't have a munchkin sidekick to travel across the land with, maybe you'll meet one along the way! 2. Read. Reading for me has always been an intense form of escapism. Growing up I wasn't the happiest camper on the block so reading was one of the many ways I learned to shut everything off. Now I do have a short attention span and some books take me months to get through. But there are those one in a million books that just suck you right in and don't let go. You know which ones I'm talking about. Yea! That's right! Twilight! I was in high school when it came out so Twilight was lit. Man oh man. I powered through them like my life depended on it. Since becoming an adult my tastes in literature have become a little better. A little, but that's exactly it. If you're going to read for yourself then read something that makes you happy even if it's not what your friends or anyone else would choose. Go take a walk around Chapters, read the first few pages of a few books and find something that grabs you! Hell make an afternoon of it. Grab a coffee and settle in. 3. Make something! Creating something on your own takes you back to kindergarten when you'd make the crappiest little hand print dinosaur and then rush home to tell everyone about it and put it up on the fridge because you were so proud. Now you have your own fridge, and walls and rear view window to hang whatever off of. Write a poem, paint, pick up some clay and make a ring dish. Just walk into Michael's and pick something. By the way, you can totally bring your dog with you to Michael's. It's a thing. So go and cover your walls with some still life of your cat on a pillow or the plants your cat ate. 4. Go for a drive. I don't know if it's just the fact that I have my own car but I really love driving through the country side. I like to pull over and look at the cows and horses. Maybe pet them. If I'm lucky. I like taking new roads just to see where they go. Sometimes they're really long private driveways and you need to three point turn your way the hell outta there before someone sees you. Bandit loves the heated seats and his car pillow. He also loves the Starbucks drive though and barking his head off at the girl hanging out the window to pet him. Oh his goofy smile. I love him. 5. My Dog. I guess this all leads back to my dog. He makes me unfathomably happy. I love the sound of him snoring. I love the way he smells. If you have a pet you won't think that's weird. He always cheers me up. Even when I'm having a melt down sobbing, he'll come and give me a kiss and lay down on my lap. Then I usually cry more because I don't deserve his little heart. Sometimes all I have to do is look at him and I feel better. There are other things I do to make myself happy like yoga and meditation. I sometimes listen to podcasts or audio books while I cook or clean. Mostly you'll find me listening to music, vibing out. The point is to just do your own thing. Be yourself and be true to yourself and happiness will follow. Just like Bandit follows me when I have food. Love Always - N Brought to you by Coffee.
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